vikaragosi mchanganyiko

Ni yupi mshamba zaidi kati ya hawa wafuatao

1. Aliekwenda dukani kuulizia Bluetooth
2. Aliekula hoteli akaosha vyombo vyake
3. Alienunua lambalamba akaitia kwenye mkoba na kuichukua zawadi kijijini
4. Alieamkia mtangazaji alieko kwenye Televisheni
5. Aliechukua pande la barafu na kuangalia wapi linavuja

Kauli ya Mbunge Mnyika

"Tumefika hapa kwa sababu ya udhaifu wa Rais Kikwete, kwa uzembe wa Bunge na kwa sababu ya upuuzi wa CCM" June 20, 2012

Kutekeleza amri zisizo zako

Jamaa wawili walikuwa wanacheza karata porini, mara wakapita wakulima, wakasikia sauti nzito inasema, "weka jembe chini"

Wakaweka majembe yao chini

Wakasikia ikiendelea kusema "Weka kisu chini"

Waka weka visu chini

Wakasikia "naomba kopa"

wakaangaliana, hawana kopa

Wakasikia "kama huna kopa weka mavi chini"

Ikabidi mmoja anye palepale

Mara wakasikia "kama huna mavi lamba"

Ikabidi yule ambaye hajanya alambe ya mwenzake

Mara wakasikia "Game over" wakashtuka kumbe kuna watu wanacheza karata!

Sheikh Msikitini

Sheikh alikuwa anatoa mawaidha Msikitini kwa muda mrefu, waumini wakachoka wakatoka nje.

Muumini mmoja akabaki msikitini pamoja na sheikh.

Sheikh akamwambia "bora wewe umebaki umepata thawabu binguni"

Muumini akamjibu kuwa, "mimi hapa nasubiri mkeka wangu uliokalia"

Zuzu na Daktari

Zuzu mmoja alikuwa amebandika picha ya Daktari ukuta wa chumbani kwake.

Akaulizwa "kwanini umeamua kubandika picha hii kwenye ukuta wa chumbani kwako?

Zuzu akajibu "nimeambiwa maumivu yakizidi nimuone Daktari" !!.

Enzi za Mwalimu

Mambo ya kinywaji

Apologizing

Kingereza ni kigumu

SWAHILI TO ENGLISH. 1.Wacha mchezo.    Leave sports. 2.Mimi sio mtu hivi hivi.    Am not a person like this like this. 3.Sikumoja nitakutembelea.    One day I will walk on you. 4.Yeye ni mtu maarufu.    He is a smelly person. 5.Nataka kukujulia hali.    I want to know your status. 6.Wewe ni kiboko yao.    You are their hippopotamus. 7.Maindi yameota.    maize are dreaming. 8.Naskia kizunguzungu.    am hearing english english. 9.nyanya yako ni mjinga.    your tomato is stupid! 10.Naskia njaa.    listen/hear hunger. 11.Kazi kweli kweli.    Job true true. 12.Moto wa kuotea mbali.    The fire of dreaming far. 13.Usinifate fate bila sababu.    Don't follow me without any cause.

Protection

where are you

Made in China

Friends are like balloons

Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So,

love the people who treat you right.

Forget about the one's who don't.

Believe everything happens for a reason.

If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it.

Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you can't get them back.

WHY IS THE WEDDING RING WORN ON THE 4TH FINGER?

This is very interesting!   Why should the wedding ring be worn on the fourth finger? There is a beautiful and convincing explanation given by the Chinese.....
 
Thumb represents your Parents
Second (Index) finger represents your Siblings
Middle finger represents your-Self
Fourth (Ring) finger represents your Life Partner &amp
The Last (Little) finger represents your children

Firstly, open your palms (face to face), bend the middle fingers and hold them together - back to back
Secondly, open and hold the remaining three fingers and the thumb - tip to tip  (As shown in the figure below): Now, try to separate your thumbs (representing the parents), they will open, because your parents are not destined to live with you lifelong, and have to leave you sooner or later.

Please join your thumbs as before and separate your Index fingers (representing siblings), they will also open, because your brothers and sisters will have their own families and will have to lead their own separate lives.

Now join the Index fingers and separate your Little fingers (representing your children), they will open too, because the children also will get married and settle down on their own some day.

Finally, join your Little fingers, and try to separate your Ring fingers (representing your spouse).   You will be surprised to see that you just CANNOT, because Husband & Wife have to remain together all their lives - through thick and thin!

Neno la mwisho

Jamaa mmoja alikaribia kukata roho, wakati wa sekunde zake chache zilizobakia kufa akaomba kutoa neno la mwisho kwa Mke wake,

Akasema; Samahani sana Mke wangu nimekukosea. Nimetembea na Mdogo wako, Dada yako na Mama yako!

Mke wake akamjibu; hayo yote nayajua na ndiyo maana nimekupa sumu ili ufe!

Kuendesha ndege

Mfanya usafi mmoja wa kwenye ndege aliokota kitabu cha kuongozea ndege wakati anafanya usafi, akasoma UKITAKA NDEGE IWAKE BONYEZA KITUFE CHEKUNDU, akabonyeza ndege ikawaka, akasoma tena UKITAKA NDEGE IANZE KUTEMBEA BONYEZA KITUFE CHA BLUE, akabonyeza ndege ikatembea, akasoma tena UKITAKA NDEGE IPAE BONYEZA KITUFE CHA NJANO, akabonyeza ndege ikapaa.

Akajisifu sana akasema yaani hawa wajinga kweli wanaenda vyuoni kwa miaka mitano na zaidi mimi darasa la saba nimepaisha ndege. Akafunua ukurasa unaofuata uweandikwa KWA MAELEZO ZAIDI JINSI YA KUONGOZA NDEGE ANGANI NA KUTUA NJOO CHUONI KWETU KOZI NI MIAKA KUMI, wakati huo yuko hewani bado kutua.TAFAKARI!